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Euphoric Melancholia

by The Vernal

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1.
Disinfected Motel Beds This town is full of churches and I'm so sick of the bells I forgot how to sleep. With closed eyes I can see. This room is full of over thinking, sometimes reminds me that My mind was trapped in the west, on disinfected motel beds I'm far away My subconscious says: how could I stay? How much further from the person I want to be This is a self-knowledge way for me I'm still sorry, that I can't show you the better person Who I think I became This is a thing of the past, anyways After you lived your sweetest dream You'll get used to it, I swear Like when you feel something new. I talk to myself in wayside motels: What does it really mean "the home"? It's morning and I'm packing my bag somewhere near Nevada. Yesterday's sunrise was something unreal from the 31st Floor. Maybe I am just too romantic, but I could watch the desert for hours and hours As if I know it, but I've never been here before. Another day another place, "hence there's no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." I won't tell you that everything will change but I'm closer to who I am by the pain we are who we are, I'm healing, when I'm afar I don't tell you that everything is fine Just let it flow, yeah After you lived your sweetest dream You'll get used to it, I swear Like when you feel something new. I talk to myself in wayside motels: What does it really mean "the home"?
2.
Arizona 04:08
Arizona Drove to the west Sunset burned into my bones I felt it in my chest Something changed When I saw that burning sky on horizon this was the reason, why I said "hold on" to myself I was there, I was there then I guess, that's what they say is "right place at the right time" and Who wants to saying goodbye before it happen? We're rolling forward into the night while listenin' to "Foxing" I still remember deer in the headlights, before into Utah If I could know that Then I’d never come back On the way to leave I’ve never felt so away Finally I can breathe For a while I waited When I saw that burning sky on horizon this was the reason, why I said "hold on" to myself I was there, I was there then. I was fine
3.
Funeral 03:51
Funeral Don't save me If I'd beg for it Bury me When I die before I go on to waste my time I'm waiting, waiting barely breathing, breathing I'm still choking by the past I would pray now, if I believed in god but I don't and I've lost my pride when I looked in your teary eyes It feels like, when your best friend moves out of town I was there At my own funeral I never believed in hell So I’m safe from it all I'm trying, trying But I'm dying, dying I've never been so close to nothing Can I rewrite my story? Because you won't see the best of me I smile but I still wanna die 'Cause I never noticed that I’ve hurt you so I wasn't ready for this I wasn't ready for this Nothing feels the same, I'm changing, I'm not me anymore I've started to lose my faith in myself, but summer's at my door I'm staying fuckin' away I learn from my mistakes and that "time heals", but I can't wait
4.
Waves 05:04
Waves Have you ever felt that something isn't real? Is this okay? Have you ever felt the numbing? 'Cause I felt it yesterday Have you ever felt that nothing will change? Is this okay? Have you ever felt like leaving? 'Cause I feel it everyday I hold it open, that vision, the few days in L.A. Before it's over, 'cause I'll lose it anyway Hey I've been wasting to much time to forgive myself, years flies by, I'm still depressed But I won't, But I won't, But I won't lose my control anymore My mind was washed so clean by Californian waves I felt for the first time that, I did not waste my days It's more than anything It's more than anything It's more than Who said that "you can't leave behind the pain"? Because I already know, when get a message from my soul Who said that "you can't leave behind the pain"? Because I already know, when get a message from my soul When get a message from my soul When get a message from my soul
5.
Extraterrestrial Highway Nevada in August is hotter than hell But I am okay, I'm honest Think that we're not alone in the Universe But we're all alone on the Earth I'm just saying I'm just thinking When I'm sad and happy at the same time I don't feel alone My thoughts got meaning at the right time I need to be alone
6.
Meltdown of Thoughts "Would you like me to stay?" Panic attacks are slowing down, anyway That was just the beginning on that day. Have you lied into my eyes? Have you lied into my eyes? My tears made me feel miserable and Saying something has never been planned I can't stay away I’ve never been as sad as I am tonight But I guess I've already said that many times I'd stay away When I found out, I just lost my best friend I felt it in my bones When my mouth didn't move 'cause of the mind I felt myself like a stone You're late to save me So I save myself. Alone You're late to save me So I save myself. Alone, alone, alone The total meltdown of thoughts is unexpected, but it comes Why do I hear sounds when I'm home alone? Ohoo My thoughts really frighten me. I tried to stop, but it just grown And nobody noticed that I was not myself, I know It only exist in my head I have to let go and not shred It will be cleaner, when it's over It only exist in my head I have to let go and not shred It will be cleaner, when it's over
7.
Balance 03:36
Balance Sometimes I feel, I'm better off While the sorrow flows into my spirit Sometimes I feel, I just need it The only thing that's real Euphoric melancholia It's similar to when the light-toned blue turns orange on the last day of summer It's similar to when those flowers grew out of concrete cracks Euphoric melancholia I knew it very well from the start How could you be happy, if you had never been sad before? How would you know yourself, if you're afraid to be alone? I hold open my mind's door Come back! I'll show you the way Don't waste it another day Just realized, that you are my everything Come back! I'll show you the way Don't waste it another day Just realized, that you are my everything What if I feel myself reverse? Unhappiness is happiness that works That roller coaster is my everything What if I feel myself reverse? Unhappiness is happiness that works That roller coaster is my everything Sometimes I feel, I'm better off While the sorrow flows into my spirit Sometimes I feel, I just need it The only thing that's real Euphoric melancholia I knew it very well from the start
8.
Something's Wrong With Me Depression never comes at the right time at all Suppression doesn't works, I have tried before "You're an old soul" they said I left my body on my bed I see clearly now what was blurred so far Two feet on the ground is a dull affair Finger on the trigger isn't fun at all I don't feel like talking, lost myself in daydreaming I feel I'm not really here, always planned disappear I ever felt that something is wrong with me But I guess I learned a lot in the last year, as I thought Depression always comes unexpectedly Sometimes I feel, that there are two people in me I'm peeling off my fingertips Maybe this will never be fixed. Suicidal thoughts through my head, If I would be inclined to do, I would be dead Those demons only consist in my head Practically, happiness just can't be enduring Only the insignificant can be lasting That's okay, because things always have to change Home alone on my birthday already doesn't seem so strange Already doesn't seem so strange
9.
Slowly 03:35
Slowly I felt the bad vibes, when you got in my car I always see these things I've heard thundering, the storm isn't far too late to promise anything and I had cold shiver, but it was May There's so many times, I have let you down I was late, I'm always late Everything is motionless, since you've been gone I don't blame you, that you haven't stayed and I had cold shiver, but it was May Don't be fooled that my foot's on the ground Because my head is up in the clouds Be quiet, these daydreams are my home Straight back to the floor, shut the door Who's the one who can keep the control? Back to the floor, shut the door Who's the one who can keep the control? I want to change, I don't want to miss you anymore I hugged you for last time on my Grandmother's funeral I don't wanna that you take me back I don't wanna that you take me back I'm already not that plastic bag in the wind What you dropped, I'm a little bit died Too much overthinking on "How bad person I am" Feelings gone slowly like summer turn into autumn and I'm feeling good now far from you on the road To SF makes me let you go Too much overthinking on "Did you thought of me?" I'm swimming with the flow slowly, slowly

credits

released February 22, 2019

All songs Written and Performed by The Vernal
Trumpet in "Extraterrestrial Highway" by Peter Rado
Recorded: Grenma Studio
Mixed/Mastered: Ghostship Recordings
Special Thanks: Nick Lemaniak, David Walczer, Mark Bebiak
© Red Toad Music, 2019

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The Vernal Esztergom, Hungary

Five guys who want to make you feel happy and sad at the same time.

Balázs - vocal
Marcell - guitar
Áron - bass
Árpi - guitar
Peti - drums

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